All my life, I’ve found friendships to be a difficult puzzle to solve. When I was a small child, I had built-in friends…the children of my parents’ friends.
When I was in grade school, my family moved form a bustling metropolis to a sleepy rural town several hundred miles away. Suddenly, I had to make friends. I had several strikes against me according to my classmates: my red hair, being new to town/school, my accent, and my parentage. (My mom and her siblings had attended the same school with the parents of many of my classmates.) For the next 10 years, I was a social outcast. I was the butt of nearly every joke and given cruel nicknames. I learned quickly what a hypocrite was; they were the people who were my friends on Sunday (at church) because their parents forced them to be nice, but on Monday they were my biggest tormentors.
It was during this 10 year period that I began befriending other people like myself: outcasts, socially awkward, quirky, nerdy, odd, etc.
In college, I felt I had a fresh start. I began trying to befriend everyone. Eventually, I found many people to be fake phony shallow much different than I wanted to be. Once again, I befriended people who were much more genuine, even if they weren’t “cool”.
Now, I find myself in another friendship conundrum. Via social networking, it’s possible to connect with people from all aspects of life: family, childhood friends, college buddies, work acquaintances, church members, the list goes on and on. Recently , I had so many people on my “friends list” that I couldn’t keep up with my actual friends’ lives! Which brings me to the point of my post: my friendship conundrum.
It seems my whole life people have sought my advice. I try very hard to give advice that is 1) biblical, 2) something I do/live myself (or would if I could go back and re-do it) 3) reasonable. Yet, I find that there are a number of people in my life who seek my advice, then do one (or more) of the following: ignore it, make fun of it, do the polar opposite, and/or ignore me until they need more advice.
To be honest, I’ve had ENOUGH! It hit me that I am enabling people to use me, to suck me dry emotionally and then go their merry way. I’ve allowed myself to be surrounded by “chickens.”
Wait, let me explain that.
In Andy Andrew’s book The Traveler’s Gift, he tells a story of a Native American boy who admired eagles. This boy admired them so much that he wanted one for a pet. So, he stole an eagle egg one day and put it with his family’s chickens. The eagle hatched and was beautiful. It grew up surrounded by chickens, so it acted like a chicken.
I want to be an eagle! From this moment on, I will choose to surround myself with eagles; people like the couple who have helped Nerd and myself so much through this foster parent licensing process (even showing up at our home and helping us determine what was in and out of compliance with the homestudy); people who know that friendship is a two-way street; people like the family that volunteers to help us when we need it, but never hesitates to call us when they need help. I choose you, my fellow eagles!
As I thought of this post, and began writing it, several passages from different books popped into my mind. I’d like to share those with you.
The Holy Bible (KJV) Proverbs 27: 17 “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” The footnotes in the Nelson Study Bible even go on to say, “As the proper tool shapes and sharpens iron for its desired use, so a man sharpens his friend morally and intellectually by their personal friendship.”
That’s powerful! Our friends sharpen us morally and intellectually.
Andy Andrews says in Mastering the Seven Decisions that Determine Personal Success: An Owner’s Manual to The Traveler’s Gift (pg. 26)
” I will seek wisdom. I will choose my friends with care.
“I am who my friends are. I speak their language, and I wear their clothes. I share their opinions and habits. From this moment forward, I will choose to associate with people whose lives and lifestyles I admire. If I associate with chickens, I will learn to scratch at the ground and squabble over crumbs. If I associate with eagles, I will learn to soar to great heights. I am an eagle. It is my destiny to fly.”
I also thought of what Dave Ramsey says about money and our friends. He says that you will earn within 10% of what your friends earn. That’s scary…I think I want to befriend some millionaires. 
My final thoughts: I want to shine the light of Christ to everyone. I will be friendly to all, but only befriend those whom I admire. I choose to soar!
Thank you for this. You’ve given me some important things to consider. Apparently, I need to be reminded sometimes of things I really know deep down.
It’s really that old saying (another bit of grandma’s wisdom that keeps popping up)….You will be known by the company you keep.
I wrote this because I needed reminded of it as well. I think we often allow ourselves to accept mediocrity because we want to be “nice” or because of history with a person. We don’t see how it affects us on a day-to-day basis.