Some days, like today and yesterday, I seriously question our decision to grow our family through foster care/adoption. Especially yesterday. Then when I opened my email today.
Yesterday was “one of those days”. I spent the entire day doing errands in the hot sun. First, to the doctor to get the results of the TB test read. Then, it was to a friend’s house to drop off something that I borrowed. I spent an hour with her and her children visiting. Her three year old is adorable and a bundle of energy, while her baby is quiet and chose me as her receptacle for spit up. Next, it was off to the grocery store to get food for the week…without a list. Can I tell you how much anxiety there is for me to go grocery shopping without a list? Driving home, it seemed like the car was never going to cool off…then there were all the police to contend with. I swear there were hundreds at the campus of the local university. They weren’t content to stay in their little formation on the parking lot, they also had to be in pairs on the road with all those lights flashing. I also saw some hiding in the shadows of the bridges/overpasses with video cameras on tripods. What’s up with that?
I finally got home and put all the groceries away only to realize that I hadn’t eaten all day, so I dug some of them back out to make the GFree version of a sandwich (meat and cheese on GFree crackers). Then, checked my email and realized that library books were due…and the video was very likely overdue.
Back out in the heat! I drove to the library, turned in the materials (luckily the video wasn’t overdue so I avoided a fine). Got to chat with some friends at the library, then back home to start dinner.
That’s when it hit me: Who do I think I am to want to be a mom???? Honestly, at that moment all I wanted to do was crawl in a dark, cool hole and rest. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have one to three babies/toddlers with me as I completed all that. AND they’d want me to hold them, feed them, take care of their needs when my body is desperately crying out for me to take care of my own.
On the heels of all that whining is when the second thoughts poured into my brain like a deluge. It went something like this: I’m whining about just wanting to sit on the couch and rest, when these children are crying out for a safe place to stay, food in their little tummies, and a mommy and/or daddy to show them appropriate love. They need someone to teach them their colors as well as what unconditional love feels like. They need to know how to feed themselves, what personal hygiene is, how to brush their teeth, how to play with toys, how to express affection appropriately, how to get along in a social setting. The list goes on and on.
But what do they need the most?
Is it a fancy house or a mom who doesn’t long for time alone?
They need a SAFE place to live. A clean bed to sleep on, clothes to wear, and food to eat…knowing that there will always be enough. I’m whining about wanting rest, while these children are not getting the most basic necessities of life.
Suddenly that shut down my whine-fest pretty quickly. I have no room to complain. Even when the cupboards are “bare”, we have plenty to eat. We have running water, electricity, and a loving environment.
We are blessed beyond measure. And we are blessed to be a blessing.
Thank You, Lord, for adjusting my attitude with those second thoughts.
