Yesterday was “one of those days”.  I spent the entire day doing errands in the hot sun. First, to the doctor to get the results of the TB test read. Then, it was to a friend’s house to drop off something that I borrowed. I spent an hour with her and her children visiting. Her three year old is adorable and a bundle of energy, while her baby is quiet and chose me as her receptacle for spit up.  Next, it was off to the grocery store to get food for the week…without a list. Can I tell you how much anxiety there is for me to go grocery shopping without a list? Driving home, it seemed like the car was never going to cool off…then there were all the police to contend with. I swear there were hundreds at the campus of the local university.  They weren’t content to stay in their little formation on the parking lot, they also had to be in pairs on the road with all those lights flashing. I also saw some hiding in the shadows of the bridges/overpasses with video cameras on tripods. What’s up with that?

I finally got home and put all the groceries away only to realize that I hadn’t eaten all day, so I dug some of  them back out to make the GFree version of a sandwich (meat and cheese on GFree crackers).  Then, checked my email and realized that library books were due…and the video was very likely overdue.

Back out in the heat! I drove to the library, turned in the materials (luckily the video wasn’t overdue so I avoided a fine).  Got to chat with some friends at the library, then back home to start dinner.

That’s when it hit me: Who do I think I am to want to be a mom????  Honestly, at that moment all I wanted to do was crawl in a dark, cool hole and rest. I cannot imagine what it would be like to have one to three babies/toddlers  with me as I completed all that. AND they’d want me to hold them, feed them, take care of their needs when my body is desperately crying out for me to take care of my own.

On the heels of all that whining is when the second thoughts poured into my brain like a deluge. It went something like this: I’m whining about just wanting to sit on the couch and rest, when these children are crying out for a safe place to stay, food in their little tummies, and a mommy and/or daddy to show them appropriate love. They need someone to teach them their colors as well as what unconditional love feels like. They need to know how to feed themselves, what personal hygiene is, how to brush their teeth, how to play with toys, how to express affection appropriately, how to get along in a social setting. The list goes on and on.

But what do they need the most?

Is it a fancy house or a mom who doesn’t long for time alone?

They need a SAFE place to live. A clean bed to sleep on, clothes to wear, and food to eat…knowing that there will always be enough. I’m whining about wanting rest, while these children are not getting the most basic necessities of life.

Suddenly that shut down my whine-fest pretty quickly. I have no room to complain. Even when the cupboards are “bare”, we have plenty to eat. We have running water, electricity, and a loving environment.

We are blessed beyond measure. And we are blessed to be a blessing.

Thank You, Lord, for adjusting my attitude with those second thoughts.

Praise the Lord that our little blog is starting to become something that people read and hopefully changes lives. I would like nothing more than for our little corner of the internet to profoundly impact people for the kingdom.

Thank you for reading.

Free Spirit

When I was in grade school, my family moved form a bustling metropolis to a sleepy rural town several hundred miles away. Suddenly, I had to make friends. I had several strikes against me according to my classmates: my red hair, being new to town/school, my accent, and my parentage. (My mom and her siblings had attended the same school with the parents of many of my classmates.) For the next 10 years, I was a social outcast. I was the butt of nearly every joke and given cruel nicknames. I learned quickly what a hypocrite was; they were the people who were my friends on Sunday (at church) because their parents forced them to be nice, but on Monday they were my biggest tormentors.

It was during this 10 year period that I began befriending other people like myself: outcasts, socially awkward, quirky, nerdy, odd, etc.

In college, I felt I had a fresh start. I began trying to befriend everyone. Eventually, I found many people to be fake phony shallow much different than I wanted to be. Once again, I befriended people who were much more genuine, even if they weren’t “cool”.

Now, I find myself in another friendship conundrum. Via social networking, it’s possible to connect with people from all aspects of life: family, childhood friends, college buddies, work acquaintances, church members, the list goes on and on. Recently , I had so many people on my “friends list” that I couldn’t keep up with my actual friends’ lives! Which brings me to the point of my post: my friendship conundrum.

It seems my whole life people have sought my advice. I try very hard to give advice that is 1) biblical, 2) something I do/live myself (or would if I could go back and re-do it) 3) reasonable.  Yet, I find that there are a number of people in my life who seek my advice, then do one (or more) of the following: ignore it, make fun of it, do the polar opposite, and/or ignore me until they need more advice.

To be honest, I’ve had ENOUGH! It hit me that I am enabling people to use me, to suck me dry emotionally and then go their merry way. I’ve allowed myself to be surrounded by “chickens.”

Wait, let me explain that.

In Andy Andrew’s book The Traveler’s Gift, he tells a story of a Native American boy who admired eagles. This boy admired them so much that he wanted one for a pet. So, he stole an eagle egg one day and put it with his family’s chickens. The eagle hatched and was beautiful. It grew up surrounded by chickens, so it acted like a chicken.

I want to be an eagle! From this moment on, I will choose to surround myself with eagles; people like the couple who have helped Nerd and myself so much through this foster parent licensing process (even showing up at our home and helping us determine what was in and out of compliance with the homestudy); people who know that friendship is a two-way street; people like the family that volunteers to help us when we need it, but never hesitates to call us when they need help. I choose you, my fellow eagles!

As I thought of this post, and began writing it, several passages from different books popped into my mind. I’d like to share those with you.

The Holy Bible (KJV)  Proverbs 27: 17  “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” The footnotes in the Nelson Study Bible even go on to say, “As the proper tool shapes and sharpens iron for its desired use, so a man sharpens his friend morally and intellectually by their personal friendship.”

That’s powerful! Our friends sharpen us morally and intellectually.

Andy Andrews says in Mastering the Seven Decisions that Determine Personal Success: An Owner’s Manual to The Traveler’s Gift (pg. 26)

” I will seek wisdom. I will choose my friends with care.

“I am who my friends are. I speak their language, and I wear their clothes. I share their opinions and habits. From this moment forward, I will choose to associate with people whose lives and lifestyles I admire. If I associate with chickens, I will learn to scratch at the ground and squabble over crumbs. If I associate with eagles, I will learn to soar to great heights. I am an eagle. It is my destiny to fly.”

I also thought of what Dave Ramsey says about money and our friends. He says that you will earn within 10% of what your friends earn. That’s scary…I think I want to befriend some millionaires.

My final thoughts: I want to shine the light of Christ to everyone. I will be friendly to all, but only befriend those whom I admire. I choose to soar!

Adoption is really the best option.

As a teen, I was encouraged to join “silent, peaceful protests” against abortion. There were hundreds of people lining a major thoroughfare in a local town. As I have been going through the foster/adoption process, I wonder how many of those people who were “fighting for the lives of unborn babies” are willing to give those children a home???

Are you? How many times have you said that there should be a law banning abortion? And how many times have you volunteered to provide respite care or babysit foster/adoptive children? Do you volunteer at a pregnancy shelter for those brave young women who decide to keep the baby, but need support? Do you help in any way other than to say that we should make abortion illegal?

Now, please understand that I personally believe that abortion should be illegal. I think that we are harming our future by aborting the unborn. I also feel that no one shares with these young ladies all the emotional and physical trauma that will occur within their bodies, souls, and minds for years to come.

However, I am not just “protesting abortion”. I’m actively doing something to help those young women who have made another choice. Some of them just don’t have the skill set to be parents yet. So, as foster parents, we can give them a much-needed break while they learn the skills needed to be parents. The goal of foster care is to reunite the child with his/her biological family. In foster care, we call that reunification. It is our job as foster parents to love, protect, and help the child grow so that the reunification is successful and happy.

We also are very open to adoption. We believe that God will grow our family through adoption. I know that many Christian families take to heart the verse about “happy is the man whose quiver is full”, the preceding verse talks about the arrows being the children of man’s youth (Ps. 127:4,5). The families I know are more than willing to conceive and bear several children…yet there are THOUSANDS of children already in the world who are in desperate need of a home. These youngsters are waiting for a forever family. Have we forgotten the verses that speak about whenever we do something for the “least of these” we’ve done it unto Jesus???  Have we forgotten the charge to care for the widows and orphans???  Why is it more blessed to bear children than it is to adopt children in need of a home??  I’m so very glad that God chose to adopt me, rather than just creating more people.  What better picture of God’s love to the world, than to adopt a child (or two, or three, or five) and love them into the Kingdom?

Nerd loves to read books and articles by upstanding Christian men. One of his favorite role models is Tony Dungy. Tony and his wife have adopted children. They believe that adoption is a vital part of the pro-life movement. You can hear him talk about it in his own words here.

Christians, we need to wake up! Unless we are willing to help these young, unwed mothers to become successful, or we’re willing to give these babies homes, we have no business fighting against abortion!!! In essence, when we fight to make abortion illegal and then don’t support the mothers or provide homes for these babies…we’re legalizing and moralizing neglect. We feel all comfy and happy because we’ve saved the life of that unborn baby…but have we?

Will you answer the call? Will you open your home to children in need of a safe place to stay? Will you become the forever family to a child or a group of children who long for a mother’s embrace, a father’s smile, a warm place to sleep, and food to eat??

Will you dare to be Jesus to these little beings that bear His image? Will you answer the call? If you can’t, will you help others to do so?

As far as the inspections go, we didn’t do some things correctly.  We had a whole list of things that I needed to move and/or lock. While Sport Track had his part of the interview (Nerd and I couldn’t be a part of it…so that he would feel that he can be completely open), I quickly worked to fix those things that would be easy to fix.

We have two areas which were not immediately fixable and we’ll have to have the homestudy person come back. One was that we have to have a bunch of things in an “emergency kit”. Things like gallons of water, enough food for several people for several days, changes of clothing, diapers, first aid kits, all medications, any and all files for the children, etc.

The other thing that needed work is we have a broken gate. She said we could just board it shut since we have a working gate on the other side.

We’ll get those things done over the weekend and then have her back out!

Our last things to do are:

more paperwork

TB tests

MORE paperwork

Did I mention more paperwork??

Turn in some pictures of our house

More paperwork

Fix/adjust some of the paper work we turned in already

AND  more paperwork!

Sometimes I think it’s CPS’s goal to kill an entire forest for each family!   (I’m kidding about that…but there is a lot of paperwork.) Now that we’re at the end, it really wasn’t all that scary of a process. Becoming a foster parent is intense, but it’s not difficult!

So, I’ll blog about other aspects of our life. But today, to kill time, I’ll blog about the homestudy. Maybe if I blog, I won’t get so nervous.

First, let me say that if you ever hear someone talking about Foster Parents who do it for the money, please do me a favor and bonk them on the head! I cannot tell you how much time, effort, and MONEY we’ve put INTO being a foster family.  Yes, we get a SMALL stipend to take care of the children, but it only pays for a small portion of their needs.

To become a foster parent is a tough thing. However, it’s totally worth it. If you ask me about any part of this, I’ll tell you it’s definitely worth it…and I don’t even have children in my home yet. Hours and hours of training, that’s unpaid. We were very lucky in that  a local foster/adopt support agency paid for us to have meals. From what we understand, that’s rare.

Buying books to read about being a foster/adoptive parent. They aren’t popular ones, so it’s not like we could run to our local used book store and just pick it up!

Then all the safety equipment that we have to buy…just in case we get a baby or toddler. Did you know that padded toilet seats don’t work with toilet locks?  So, we had to buy a new toilet seat so that we could install the new toilet locks! Now we all get to figure out how to use the silly things…and teach all our friends!

Beds…do you know of people who have three extra beds in their garage…for three different age groups…just waiting for a child? We do! Some of them were given to us (thank you, our angels!), but most we bought.

The list goes on and on. We had to buy new trashcans, lock boxes for medicine, appliques for the bathtub, etc, etc, etc.

Was it worth it? You betcha!

I just thought you might like a little perspective on what it takes monetarily to become a foster parent…we haven’t even started on the invasion of “privacy” or the mounds of paperwork.

So, the next time someone complains about foster care, the foster care system, or anything about it…please kindly educate them, then give them the number for the nearest CPS office or Foster/Adopt Agency. We’re always looking for good help and good homes. There are THOUSANDS of children in each state who are waiting for forever families. Will you be there for “the least of these”?

I would like nothing more than to have my kids with me on Mother’s Day…but I don’t have MY kids. See, I share Sport Track with his mom.  Obviously his mom trumps everything else on Mother’s Day weekend, so we didn’t have him (even though it was our “scheduled” weekend). Also people don’t understand that being a step-mom is NOT the same as being a mom. I wasn’t there for the first 6 years of Sport Track’s life.  He doesn’t call me “mom”. When he falls or gets hurt, he doesn’t want ME, he wants his MOM.  I love the boy dearly and would willingly give my life up for him, but I’m NOT his mom. I’ve worked very hard to make sure that I never stray over even close to the gray area of trying to be his mom.

My other children, the ones we hope to adopt, are still with their biological mothers.  Do I just want to rip some child from its mother? NO! I know and believe that our ultimate goal as foster parents is reunification. Biological family trumps everyone else, every time, as the best possible situation for the children.

So where does that leave me? I’m unable to have my own biological children. I get to parent only other people’s children. How does Mother’s Day honor me? It doesn’t. And I’m not suggesting that we have a Foster Mother’s Day, or a Step-Mother’s day. What I am suggesting is that the next time you’re in the throes of all your own glory because you birthed your own children, maybe point some of the spotlight over on those of us who are unable to do that. Those of us who willingly love and nurture other people’s children. Those of us who can’t have biological children. Those of us who are mothers in our hearts, but barren in our bodies, and would gladly raise, love, cherish, and welcome every moment we could have with a child…whether it’s our child or someone else’s.

I believe that giving birth doesn’t automatically qualify you as a mother. I’m a mother, I just don’t have children in my home full-time. IF you ever think that we step-moms are just like moms, let me assure you that we’re not. Our step-children don’t even think we are. This past month, I experienced an excellent example of that. Sport Track was creating a family magazine. On the cover was a drawing of his mom with “Tips to Lose Weight” next to her, a drawing of his dad with “Secrets to Getting out of Debt” next to him, and a drawing of Sport Track with “Kids Speak Out” or something next to him. Who was missing from the family magazine?? His step-mom. Me. Was I sad? YES! But then I realized that the little magazine proves what I’ve always worked so hard to do: it doesn’t have me as his mom. He feels comfortable showing this off because I don’t try to be his mom. It also proves that not all stepchildren see their stepmothers as mother figures.  We’re not the same. Please stop telling me that I’m still a mom. I’m not. I’m a mother-figure, but not a mom to Sport Track. IF I were a mom, I would have received gifts and accolades from my stepson and my husband.  Instead, I missed out on one of our precious few weekends so Sport Track could spend it with his mom, and went about business as usual.

What’s the point of this rant, you might ask? It’s to open people’s eyes to the fact that mothers come in all shapes, sizes, and varieties. Just because there aren’t children in her home, doesn’t mean a woman isn’t a mother. She might want desperately to become a mother, but can’t. Maybe she’s just waiting for God’s timing…  Or maybe she’ll never have a baby of her own.  Nothing is more cruel than watching people honoring mothers, when you want to be one so badly yourself and know that it won’t happen.

When I said something about our favorite fondue, Pizza Fondue, on Facebook, a friend asked for the recipe. I thought I’d put it here so that it’s kept safe for all to enjoy.

Pizza Fondue

Fondue Ingredients:

• 1 can or jar of pre-made spaghetti sauce, the chunkier the better (Some Hunts and all of the Classico varieties are GF)
• 1 can of mushrooms (optional)
• 1 lb ground beef or chuck, browned
• 12 slices of pepperoni cut into small pieces
• diced onions (optional)
• diced peppers (optional)
• Anything else that would be in a typical chunky spaghetti sauce

We have a picky eater in the family (me), so we don’t put many of the optional items in the fondue.

Directions:

1. Brown ground beef and drain off fat.
2. dump all ingredients in a slow cooker
3. turn slow cooker on low and relax for a while )
4. Eventually get around to making the dippables

Recommended Dippables:

• cooked tortellini
• cooked meatballs
• cubed cheeses (we love mozzarella)
• bread sticks, or toasted and cubed french bread

As you can see, there are multiple ways to personalize this meal. I love the fact that I can toss everything in the slow cooker and walk away for a while.

For all of you out there who are GFree, let me assure you that this meal is still possible, it just takes more cooking from scratch. We have purchased a pasta machine with a ravioli maker so that we can make homemade GFree raviolis. I even got a set that has some fun shapes so that we can make up for the fact that Sport Track can’t have his “torteloonies”.  We also use Bette Hagman’s Seasoned Pizza Crust recipe for bread sticks.  So it’s still possible; it just takes more work.

However, this past weekend, I ran into a nice new friend who is also recently gluten free. She asked me the age-old question, “Where do you shop?”  When I said, “Kroger,” she was shocked. So, I decided to dedicate an entire blog post to brands of “mainstream” foods that I purchase that are gluten free.

Yes, that’s right other GFree-ers. We do NOT have to always shop at specialty stores. I do supplement with items from specialty stores, but even the big blue box retailer that has a happy face carries some GFree products. Check on the aisle where you would find pie crusts and puddings.

Actually, it will be a series of posts. I’m too tired to do an entire pantry inventory tonight. I’ll get you started with restaurants.

Immediate disclaimer: I am NOT receiving any kind of compensation from any of the companies that I am listing. These are my own personal preferences and gluten information was gathered from emails I’ve received from the company or other research I have done on my own.

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Restaurants: (I have provided links to their gluten information whenever possible.)

Chick-Fil-A

Chili’s

Chipotle and more info in their FAQs

Jason’s Deli

Joe’s Crab Shack (they don’t have any information on their website that I can find. However, you can get a menu from your server/host/hostess)

On the Border

Pei Wei (Ask for the menu up front. They have laminated cards. Request GFree soy sauce.)

P.F. Changs (Occasionally, the manager will trade the ONE GF dessert for the TWO mini desserts on the Changs for Two menu. Notify your server that you need GFree pot sticker sauce.)

Wendy’s

Wing Stop–They have an “official page”, but it varies from the information that was emailed to me personally. Contact your local store for better information via the contact us form on their site.

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Some personal notes: When eating at a “sit down” restaurant (with the exception of P.F.Changs), your service will take longer if they have to print a GF menu. I try to take my own if I know I’m going. Chili’s and On The Border occasionally change their gluten free menu, so it’s a good idea to check immediately before going to those restaurants. Each of the restaurants in this list I have personally visited (in some cases many times and in many states).

1. They have only one item on the menu that contains gluten and are very gluten-intolerant friendly.

2. They are inexpensive. I mean, I can feed my whole family (2 adults, 1 child) for about $12.  And we’re full.

3.  Their food is fairly healthy. No fries, fried burgers, etc.

Would you like to know that name of my favorite eatery??? It’s Chipotle Mexican Grill.  (Nope, not getting a dime from promoting them. Though I’d love to get some coupons for free meals.)

Last night, Nerd decided that he’d take me to Chipotle because I’d had a rough day. We walk in and the guy behind the counter smiles at me and changes his gloves!!!  Umm…can we admit that we’ve been to this Chipotle a little too often?? But, considering that we can feed our family several times in a month and not go over budget, we love it! But I digress…back to the story.

Before I can even tell him that I’m allergic to their tortillas, he’s grabbing a bowl and telling the other person on the line (in Spanish) that she needs to change her gloves because of my allergy.  Talk about service! He’s laughing and remembers my order. Would you like to know my favorite???

Here goes:

We get a Chicken Burrito Bowl with rice, black beans, the hottest salsa, sour cream, and cheese. We also get a side order of their medium salsa, (for chips and salsa) and a side of sour cream. (That much hot salsa needs some dairy to cool off the mouth.)  We get a small drink. Total for two: about $9.42. If we double the meat, $11.85.  Nerd and I can easily share and get filled up on that one burrito bowl.  Add a child’s plate of cheese quesadillas (for Sport Track) and we’re still looking at about $12 (if Nerd and I don’t get double meat).

The only item on their menu that has gluten is the flour tortilla. However, the flour tortillas are stored above the corn tortillas and the hard taco shells. So, we just choose to get a bowl.   We also ask that they change their gloves so that we aren’t cross contaminated.  Refills on soft drinks are free, so we choose to share one drink. All in all, it’s a great bang for your buck.

So, my thought is: “I might be a regular customer of Chipotle if the guy behind the counter changes his gloves and asks the others to change theirs before I can even get to the counter!”

Thanks, Chipotle for making frugal gluten free dining so easy!

Full Disclosure: I have received no compensation for this recommendation. I do not know anyone who works for Chipotle, nor am I an employee. I just love their product and the way they make my frugal gluten free dining experience so easy and hassle-free. This is 100% based solely on the dining experiences of my family at our local restaurant.

Do you have a favorite frugal dining experience?? Please share!